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[11 Sep 2009|02:20am] [ music | something corporate - konstantine ] i'm tired. drinking vodka makes me want to cuddle. smoking weed makes me want to pass out. life is great. i start school soon but i dont have my financial aid put together yet. I have to fix it I guess.I'll do that the week before. I'm lazy. I have to get my schedule and my books and ect. Oh boy. Well, I got about 2 weeks before my life starts sucking ass!  post comment

[19 Aug 2009|09:56pm] bye friends. <3 post comment

[28 Jul 2009|10:03pm] im the most stupid girl alive! who turns down an almost-male model? THATS RIGHT! meeee. cus im so stupid. 1 comment|post comment

[24 Jul 2009|03:14pm] eh im not a good girlfriend post comment

[13 Jul 2009|02:14am] [ music | The Spill Canvas - Self conclusion ] maybe the reason im so fucking uncommital now and i'm such a fucking skank and such a dude is because i got my heart fucking ripped from my fucking rib cage and thrown into a garbage disposal. i never considered myself to be the type to be the "afraid to get hurt again" type but i fucking am! theres no other reason why i can't say yes to a gorgeous, 24 year old future lawyer other than the reason that i dont wnat him  to fuck me over like eric did. and eric has a kid btw. lucky me..... for what its worth, i always admired you. i always thought we could make it through. now look what time can do. it took this masterpiece we built and broke it in two. i always believed in you, i always loved you. fucking bound to happen. fuck me. im over eric though. like. i barely think about him. but when i find out news like this i get sad, really really quick. he was my heart for the longest fucking time. and he just tore me down. i've never been hurt like that in my life and now i just figured out thats why i dont want to fuck with anyone else like that. i'm gonna say yes and i'm gonna have an amazing boyfriend. i won't get hurt. if i do, i can just come back here and say i told you so to my fucking self 1 comment|post comment

you found me. [29 Dec 2008|08:10pm] [ music | !3OH3! - I ] okay. my life has been busy, hectic and fun lately. really, it has. i've been taking a ride on the wild side. you know, gettin high, drunk, ect. yeah its been fun and its been happening every day on my break. its fun as FUCK. but after break, its alllll ending. it never happened before break. i'm having so much fun on my break. its ridiculous. i think people who push others away, or don't hang out at all with anybody, and just sit on their ass inside their house all the time get jealous of people on the outside and call them losers because they know they are a fucking bore. i think people who are hermits are jealous of people who actually do stuff at night. whether it being positive, or not still have friends and a life and you know, its motherfucking high school. we'll all grow up and we'll all get lives and this will go away. where we won't have our parents security, and you know, its just fun as fuck to be able to do what you want without having so many responsibilities. i love my life. and when i go all the way up to ft wayne next year, it'll be fun too, but not as fun as high school was for me. good day. post comment

[13 Dec 2008|01:27am] [ music | the spill canvas - 3685 ] how is it possible to miss an ex boyfriend of over a year ago? huh? how is that possible? i wish i didn't take that stupid nap. i could be out somewhere but stupid david is in stupid collge until stupid sunday. i dont feel good at all. my stomach hurts. and i miss eric. i hate staying up this late with no one to talk to. because it makes me think. eric was the boy of my dreams. fuck. what the fuck happened? why am i even dwelling on it huh? he was my journal. i told him everything. i talked to him 24/7. the boy was my absolute life. and i was his and it all went to shit when he just stopped "loving me". god. i miss him. maybe i just miss the idea of having a boyfriend like that. i loved eric and when he did dump me, my stomach hurt. i cried for hours, then was crying on the inside for forever. everytime i closed my eyes, i saw him with that other girl. and he acted like it didn't affect me. and i hate how whenever we do talk now, which is basically never, i'm not in love and i cant' brag about it like he can. i want him and his girlfriend tobreak up so bad. then maybe he'll be my friend again, you know? maybe this is all just wishful thinking. i want a boy like that back in my life. how would i even start? post comment

and today was a day just like any other [10 Nov 2008|08:24pm] [ music | jacks mannequin - im ready ] i'm honestly proud to be so mature about things. i'm so proud of myself for shutting my fucking mouth and not saying a word about anything to anyone. i'm honestly proud that i am gorgeous. i'm honestly proud that my freckles are absolutely adorable. those are the three things that i enjoy about myself as of now. i honestly wish i wasn't such a fatass. i honestly wish that i could see past this. i honestly wish that i could find and keep a boyfriend. those are three things i dont really like about myself. but in other words, or.. if this doesn't really make sense... yeah. the fire escape is fun except when you have girls who say stuff under their breath. it's not cute. it's not funny. it just makes a weird fucking enviroment for everyone. so cut it out. i refuse to react to anything. i refuse to belittle myself to talking about other people as a way to gratify myself. i'm so glad that i'm not as fake as others are. yes, i do have my moments please do not get me wrong but some of these females i know are horrendous. im proud that i'm not like that and that i can be considered a very good friend. i really miss my mom. she gave the best and most harsh advice out of everyone. ugh. well, christine was getting on my nerves at the fire escape, i sometimes hate how she is so... well how she thinks she's so above me.. all the time. i dont know, it just seems like that. she thinks everything i say and do is stupid, but i think some of her actions have been even MORE retarded. ugh whatever. i am the nicest person and i deserve a lifetime of happiness. i'm blessed to be gorgeous, funny, to have some of the amazing friends i do, and have the nicest boy ever talking to me :) i love my life and theres nothing stopping me now. i'm getting a tattoo soon! and a piercing probably just my cartilidge. im gonna be tatted up wsup! haha. just kidding. i'm doing requiem for a dream for my group project! suhweet! its so badass and i cut the music myself. :) ok this is all i had to say adios ps - FUCK MARK RICE post comment

[02 Nov 2008|08:47pm] you know, i'm not going to be a petty cunt like you and delete you from my journal. i'm sick of you. you need to grow the fuck up. you know what? i dont know why youre always depressed. youre GORGEOUS but all you fucking talk about is how ugly you are. you live in a nice house, got a fucking badass car, and a badass family. you know, you don't have much to be depressed about. so when you talk shit about other people and how much your life sucks.. just realize that maybe my life, or christians life, or anybody elses life is just a little more shittier. youre fickle as fuck. wanna know a secret? i always have a backup when i have plans with you. because i never know if youre gonna pull out. change yourself. i've been the best friend i could to you. i apologized fucking PROFUSELY for our last fight, but i'm not going to do it this time. i'm sick of it. i'm sick of never knowing if youre my friend or not. have fun trying to find a better friend. i knwo right now youre like "OH I ALREADY GOT THEM" no you don't. sick of it. fuck it. post comment

next summer. [15 Sep 2008|01:27am] Phantom Regiment Semifinals 2008 1 comment|post comment

[01 Sep 2008|01:30pm] friends only. add me! :) post comment

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